My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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