Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
