the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just invented taco cereal.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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