I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
