oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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