you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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