There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
