so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
