im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
