i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
