Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
