u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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