I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
