my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
