i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
