Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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