smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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