and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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