It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
