how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
