I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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