I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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