Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
