So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Did you just see the Batmobile???
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
