Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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