Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
