obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
