Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
