i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
