i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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