These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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