Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
