32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
