Cold hands, warm shart.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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