Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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