I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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