Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
