I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
