The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
