Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
