I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
pray to the hookup gods
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
