So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
