I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
