I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
