He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
