Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
