o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
