Whod you bang
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Every concussion has its silver lining
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
