i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
