the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
