Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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